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Risks of Fost Adopt

There are many risks of fost adopt adoptions. However, since gay adoption can be a difficult process through private agencies or when trying to adopt internationally, fost adopt programs can be a very good choice for many gay people who want to become parents. When adopting children through social services agencies, be prepared for a number of risks:

1. The child may be returned home. This is one of the most difficult things to deal with. Fortunately, there are many seasoned case workers out there who have become pretty good at identifying the cases that will go to termination and reserve fost adopt homes for those cases. Some case workers have above a 90% success rate when placing children.

2. In situations of gay adoptions, gay foster parents run the risk of someone, somewhere along the line, not wanting to allow the child to be raised in a gay home. This is why it is so important to be up front about being gay from the beginning in your home study process and to get certified in an agency who has previously completed gay adoptions.

3. You will be accused of something, and you will be investigated. Somewhere along the line, there will be a social worker investigating an accusation. They will ask you questions that are downright ridiculous, and they will say things to get a reaction. Believe it or not, in their nature of work, they're required to do that. If you expect to be investigated, you won't be surprised when it happens. Read my gay adoption story to hear about my investigations. Yes, plural. Friends in my LGBT adoption support group also tell story after story about being accused by biological parents of causing bruising on their child, or having been investigated as a result of teachers or principals calling social services as a result of something the child said at school. Foster parents, especially gay foster parents, often tend to operate under a shroud of suspicion. Get used to it.

Risks 4. The biological parents may not agree with their child being placed in a gay household. As a result, they may fight harder and draw out the whole process. If this results in the bio parents getting their acts together and the child moving back in, then that's ultimately a good thing, though it will cause emotional stress on you. Oftentimes, in these situations, the case worker may ask that you meet and talk to the biological parents. Usually, after a meeting or two, the biological parents agree that yours is an acceptable home for their child.

5. Financial stress. Even though adoptions through social services agencies often come with a monthly subsidy payment that will last until your child turns 18, this payment alone will not be close to enough to raise your child, especially a child with special needs as a result of early childhood trauma. There is other aid available through post adoption services, and I would recommend you take advantage of their services when possible, though their application process can be time intensive. One of the major financial surprises I've had is a result of my local social services agency requiring that an adult supervise my 9 year old at all times instead of his older siblings, 13 and 17 years old. Basically, either I can't work, I work part time, or I hire an adult (much more expensive than siblings or baby sitters) to watch my son after school. It adds up. Believe me.

6. The child's needs may be too severe, or something unexpected may pop up from the child's past. Half way between when my first child moved in to when he was adopted, we found out there probably had been some sexual abuse. The case worker did not know this at the time of placement, and it only began coming out as a result of my son feeling safe in his new environment. Now, the sexual abuse is over half of his therapeutic needs.

7. Things will break. I had nice stuff in my home. Come on - I'm a gay man! Well, kids are rough on things, but adopted kids are EXTREMELY rough on things. It will be important to develop your patience prior to getting a placement. This is what I did to help increase my patience.


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