The Goodbye Visit
The Goodbye Visit, now known in Boulder County as the "transition visit," is the final visit between the birth parents and the child. The visit occurs after the termination or relinquishment of the biological parents' parental rights. Preparation for this visit on the part of the birth parents and in preparing the child is extremely important. When a child loses a primary factor through the termination or relinquishment of parental rights, it is often worse than death. There really is no closure for the child. There will always be questions about where they are now, what they're like, will I ever get to see them, why won't my new parents let me see them, etc. The child must understand that their birth parents loved them so very much, but they just couldn't parent them. Some birth parents feel it's important that the child knows they fought as hard as they could to keep them. They feel that if the child knows they fought hard, they will feel their birth parents loved them. Other birth parents understand that their child will do better in life if they don't feel they need to blame the system for their loss. They let the child know that they love them so much that they feel they will have a better life growing up in a family who can parent them properly. If you couldn't tell by how I slanted this paragraph, I feel the latter is better.It's also important that, during the goodbye or transition visit, birth parents give the child permission to love their new family. Crazy as it sounds, some kids feel guilty or like they are betraying their birth parents if they feel love toward their adoptive family. When birth parents give the child permission to move on, the child is more likely to transition more quickly and completely.
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