Second Parent Adoption

Though most states allow single individuals to adopt children, most, at this point, do not allow gay couples to petition to adopt a child together. In these situations, Second Parent Adoption may be an option.

Find out if Second Parent Adoption is available to gay couples in your state.

Family

If your state does not allow same sex partners to petition to adopt even in a Second Parent situation, and you really want to become parents, you might want to consider moving to another state or compiling mass amounts of cash for the court battle that will ensue (oh yea, and prepare to become famous, or infamous, loved, or hated, in your state).

If Second Parent Adoption by same sex couples is an option in your state, but gay couples are not allowed to petition together, you will want to consider which one of you should be on the initial adoption decree. Remember, I highly recommend that you find an agency who has completed this process with same sex couples before. There is so much that can go wrong, and there are so many laws that different judges may interpret differently that you want to be sure the agency you are working with knows exactly what they are doing before you even start the process. Ask your agency if they can recommend a good lawyer who has experience with same sex Second Parent Adoption. If they can't, go somewhere else.

Click here to read an example of how things can go wrong.

Many agencies will reimburse an adoptive parent or couple for the court costs for the adoption, but few will reimburse you for the lawyer and court fees to complete a Second Parent Adoption which can cost from $1500 to $2500.

Some states require a home study and some do not; however, if you began this process as a couple, your home study should already be complete so there won't be further costs.

Asking a lot of questions from the beginning of the process will help you avoid heartache down the road. I've seen this process work beautifully many, many times. But there are horror stories out there. Just be sure to prepare everything ahead of time.

When the process is complete and the judge or magistrate has approved the Second Parent Adoption, you will receive an adoption decree from the judge. A few weeks later, if your lawyer has done all the paperwork correctly, you will receive your child's new birth certificate in the mail. You might want to make sure your lawyer will take care of this before it becomes an issue. When you receive the new birth certificate, make sure everything is correct, and then follow my recommendations under post adoption.

If everything was completed properly, you will now be a legal family unit with all the rights and responsibilities of raising a child together. But you must also remember that if your relationship changes in the future, you may have to deal with all the custody issues that heterosexual couples deal with as well. And you also get to have the exciting challenge of dealing with different parenting opinions.

Happy Parenting!

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